so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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