You can't special order awesome
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
