Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I am naked and annoyed.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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