Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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