are you still at the devil's house?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
