Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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