If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
she told me i tasted like america
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
