with your own penis?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
