Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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