she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
