dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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