My liver just broke up with me...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
