I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
