yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
