What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
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We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We left the knife in your bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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