but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize