Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
well, you know. whores of a feather.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
