shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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