i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
