one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
