How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Randomize
