I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
What a dumb baby whore.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
i need some magic done to my vagina
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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