don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
