Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize