Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
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We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
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and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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