So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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