you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
