y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
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We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
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I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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