If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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