walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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