Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I have fence marks all over my body
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
