I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
