what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
