Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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