What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
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Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
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I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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