the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
