alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
