whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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