made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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