Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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