Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
