I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
