I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
