trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
