I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You are a genius and a whore.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
