Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
