dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
