new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
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