i wish semen tasted like chocolate
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
