Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Hello my rib-scented angel!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
