i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
