"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
