he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
