How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize