Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
