May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
