I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
