Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
