OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
