Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
