I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize