I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
