About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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