The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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