Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
