If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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