I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
This beer is not sobering me up at all
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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