Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
